from Letter Sixteen "God"

..."Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel very much alone, like
there is no God, no spirit, nothing! It's just me lying there, totally alone in the universe.
I try to reach out to God or some spiritual essence, and I get nothing in response. I
have to ask you, because you seem like someone who might have an answer. Why do
many of us feel so lost and alone, even after a lifetime of seeking? Why would God, if
God even exists, leave us feeling this way, without any direct communication? If God
exists, why don't we know it, constantly? Why don't we really know when we really
need to?"

First of all, God does not exist, not in the way you want him to. I say him, masculine, to
emphasize the non-existent quality. God does not exist as an outside benefactor, some
ascendant personage, waiting to attend your needs, ready to answer questions or calm
your fears. However, as I've pointed out before, the creative, intelligent quality of the
Cosmos does exist. It is Conscious Evolution, and it exists within the essence of your very
awareness. Nothing exists outside of this awareness.

"But this is my point. I'm not aware of it when I want to be aware of it."

Yes, indeed, you are not aware of it. But you know it. The problem re-stated, is this: You
are not aware of your own inner knowing. I'm talking about the essence of your
awareness. This knowing is a deep instinct, hidden from your current waking mind. I
understand your frustration, now more than I did at the beginning. The problem, for
all humans, is one of alignment with your authentic being.

“I have recurring fears that I am not connected to anything. That is my real question. Is
my sense of self and appreciation, to use your term, part of some larger consciousness
that goes on after I die? Does that sense of self-awareness go on? Is there anything in
me now that will continue, or go back into spirit? Has my life experience contributed
to that something? Or will it all just fade and dissolve away into nothing at the end?
This is my fear in a nutshell.”

The fact that you even have the fear of losing your awareness, or of being abandoned
and meaningless in the greater sphere of creation, is evidence of the inner knowing I
refer to. It is likewise evidence of your disconnection from it. Without the inner
sensitivity, the question would never be raised. Without the inner connection you
would not be having this conversation with me. I am an example of what you seek,
right in front of you. But what you are really searching for is not assurance of your
existence after death. You really want to know whether you truly exist at all, right
now!

“That's absurd. Of course, I exist!”

But you don’t, you see. You are just a figment of Cosmic imagination. We all are. We
are a projection from Source, out onto the screen of illusion that it has created to
experience separation from oneness. We individuals are the embodied experience of
divine detachment—a synonym for projection, in this case. The vigilan sense of
appreciation is, at its root, this knowing of paradox; it is acceptance of separation in the
midst of oneness, and individuality within an undivided whole. But understanding of
this is hidden from the human being. That is why you ask about continuation of your
awareness after death.

The awakening process of evolution is entirely about this question, the uncovering of
our hidden awareness. Here is the way it works: You are God, my friend. We all are,
universally, and in particular. The energy of collective awareness that pervades and
incubates the Cosmos in us, is what you are calling God. For the purpose of answering
you, I will use your term God, though it is a name I rarely use.

God, if it's any consolation to you, is in the same boat you’re in. The infinite divine
intelligence took on aloneness and separation as a great experiment; Conscious
Evolution has done this for the sake of its own awakening and feeling. That was a major
turning point. God, as homo sapiens, broke off from its own divine being and sense of
oneness to immerse itself here. The motivation behind this was a desire for feeling, the
avenue into awakened presence...


Copyright © 2009 by Robert Potter